| | He knows to keep an eye on my hands, as the length of my finger nails is in direct proportion to how content I am with my life.
My mom would have been a wonderful grandmother.
By the look on her face, I knew that I had just told my Arabic teacher that she was tasty.
This morning, on my bedroom floor, lay a dying firefly, its light blinking on and off, still signaling for a mate.
It's nice when someone hands you a present and you realize that though you forgot your own birthday, someone else remembered.
The
typo on the Chinese food take-out menu claimed that their Garlic Shrimp
contained "flesh mushrooms," and now I can't eat there without giggling
like a twelve year old.
I was molested for 8 years by my older brother, now he is leaving for Iraq and I'm supposed to feel bad.
One
of the most humiliating moments of my life happened in front of my
favorite musician, and the song he wrote about that moment is on his
new album.
After I hadn't heard from you in a while, I looked you up, and found out you had died in a motorcycle accident eight months ago.
It's been nine years, but the cemetery keeper still remembers my name.
I recently found out that the pawn shop I frequented is actually run by the Mafia and I was rather good friends with the owner.
The disease stole her health, her friends, her family, her money, but the sunrise was still beautiful.
I held my father's hand as he died in that hospital room and realized I'd never held his hand before that moment.
I
once truly fell in love with an unseen friend-- who refused to meet me
in real life, who became the object of my every desire, my muse, the
reason I walked this planet-- with every cell of my heart.
I
couldn't bear to tell the girl I loved that I was only dreaming and
that she was merely a figment of my imagination, so I kissed her, and
as the world lost its color, I slowly woke up.
The worst thing about secret girlfriends is that when they get hit by cars you're not supposed to cry.
I married my husband on our first date, but it has taken me more than 5 years to decide what colour to paint our dining room.
One
night on ecstasy, I stopped a fight between two drag queens in the
ladies restroom and then I made them give each other a hug.
When
asked to name the one person absent from her life that she missed the
most, she responded, "The person I hoped I'd be by this point in my
life."
My mother called me to do a chore
and i responded, "What you need, Woman," to which my father chided,
"Your mother is NOT a woman!"
My friend Bob loved
his vinyl records so much that he used to obsess about which ones to
save if his house caught fire but when it actually happened he chose
his girlfriend instead.
He thought he was invincible.
"I was waiting for you," she said, and for an instant I wasn't alone.
President
Bush killed my father, a soldier whose burned remains are now a part of
the Iraqi desert landscape, and I, longing to fit in by supporting
something I did not understand, was stupid enough to vote for him the
previous year.
As the porter wheeling my gurney
down to the operating room took a corner too tightly, crashing my arm
into the wall, I reflected that my last utterance on this earth might
well be a profanity.
I know 18 digits of pi and can recite
the quadratic equation, but I still need to make an L with my hand to
find out where left is.
I took a neuropsychiatric test and realized that I don't have a mental illness after all: I have five.
I can run about as fast as my dog when I'm barefoot and his leash is attached to a fifteen-pound plastic chair.
When I read that the moon is moving away from the Earth at a rate of an inch a year, I knew one day too it would abandon me.
It
wasn't the sex that proved she loved me, it was the first time she
slept with me without having sex that I knew she would be the one.
She
breezed into my technology class, late and toting a beige shoulder bag,
and I knew that some time later she was going to be the most wonderful
thing in my life.
He told me that he hates himself, so I told him that I love him.
When she cried the first time, I was surprised that I was ready to handle it like a father should. |
| | Posted 8/19/2007 1:06 PM - 65 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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